Find small moments that give you relief.
You walk through the door and already feel the weight settle in your chest. Spending time with your in-laws can be tough, especially when you’d rather be anywhere else. The long conversations, the awkward silences, and the constant feeling of being watched can drain you faster than you’d expect.
But there are ways to survive these visits without losing your sanity. Small mindset shifts and simple strategies can help you get through it with your peace intact. Instead of focusing on everything that irritates you, you can learn how to create small escapes, manage your energy, and even find a few silver linings in the visit.
1. Plan short breaks throughout the day.
One of the easiest ways to get through the visit is by building in small breaks for yourself. Take a quick walk around the block or excuse yourself to run a short errand. These little timeouts give your mind a chance to reset, and they help break up long stretches of interaction that can feel overwhelming, according to Munira Fidai at The Daily Star. Even ten minutes away can feel like a breath of fresh air.
You can also use these breaks to check in with a friend, listen to a calming podcast, or simply sit quietly with a cup of coffee. The goal isn’t to completely avoid your in-laws but to give yourself a few controlled moments where you’re not “on.” These pauses can make the whole day feel far more manageable.
2. Focus on your partner’s comfort.
Shifting your attention to your partner’s needs can help ease your frustration. Chances are, they may be just as stressed or uncomfortable as you are, even if they don’t show it. By focusing on being a supportive spouse, you change the narrative from “I’m trapped” to “I’m here for them.”
When you remind yourself that you’re part of a team, it softens the experience. Offer to help your partner navigate conversations or handle tasks that are particularly tense. Being their ally not only makes you feel useful but can also strengthen your connection as a couple during a potentially trying time, as stated by Amy Van Veen at Focus On Th Family.
3. Set realistic expectations ahead of time.
Walking in with sky-high expectations is a recipe for disappointment. Instead, mentally prepare for minor annoyances and awkward moments. If you expect everything to go smoothly, every small irritation will feel much bigger than it is.
Tell yourself that it’s okay if things aren’t perfect. You might encounter passive-aggressive comments or unsolicited advice, but recognizing these possibilities beforehand helps you stay grounded, say writers at Advanced Etiquette. When you accept that some discomfort is inevitable, you give yourself permission to roll with it instead of reacting emotionally.
4. Create a mental list of safe topics.
Having a few safe topics ready can save you from awkward silences or uncomfortable conversations. Stick to subjects that are light, neutral, and unlikely to spark debate—things like travel, movies, local events, or shared hobbies.
When the conversation drifts into areas that make you uncomfortable, gently steer it back to one of your prepared topics. Having this mental list gives you a small sense of control and prevents you from feeling blindsided. It’s like having a conversational lifeboat ready when things get choppy.
5. Limit alcohol if it tends to escalate tension.
While a glass of wine might seem like it will take the edge off, alcohol can sometimes amplify emotions and fuel conflicts. If you know that drinking tends to make family dynamics more volatile, it might be better to keep your intake minimal.
Staying clear-headed allows you to manage your reactions better and keeps you from saying something you might regret. You’ll feel more in control and less likely to get pulled into unnecessary arguments or drama. Sometimes a clear mind is your best defense.
6. Practice deep breathing to stay calm.
Tension has a way of building up in your body without you realizing it. When you start to feel overwhelmed, take a few slow, deep breaths. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth.
This simple technique helps calm your nervous system and can make a noticeable difference in your mood. You don’t need to make a big show of it—just a few subtle breaths can quietly bring you back to a more relaxed state. It’s a small but powerful tool to keep in your back pocket.
7. Use humor to defuse awkward moments.
A well-timed joke or lighthearted comment can take the sting out of an uncomfortable situation. Humor helps break tension and can shift the mood in a more positive direction. It shows that you’re not taking everything too seriously, which can ease everyone’s nerves.
Of course, it’s important to read the room and avoid sarcasm that might come across as passive-aggressive. But a gentle, good-natured laugh can work wonders when conversations start to feel heavy or strained.
8. Bring something to occupy your time.
Having a small project or activity on hand can give you a healthy distraction during downtime. Bring a book, a crossword puzzle, or even some work you can quietly do on your laptop. This allows you to engage without being constantly involved in every conversation.
By occupying your mind, you create small pockets of personal space, even in a crowded room. It sends a polite signal that you’re present but also preserving your energy. Just make sure your activity is appropriate for the setting and won’t appear rude or disengaged.
9. Remember it’s temporary and won’t last forever.
One of the most comforting thoughts is reminding yourself that this visit has an endpoint. No matter how uncomfortable things feel, you’ll soon be back in your own space, living your normal routine.
Focusing on the temporary nature of the visit can help you tolerate annoyances without blowing them out of proportion. Every awkward meal and strained conversation becomes easier to handle when you view it as a short-term experience rather than a permanent burden.
10. Avoid taking bait during tense conversations.
Sometimes family members make comments designed to provoke or test you. The key is recognizing the bait and refusing to bite. Stay calm, keep your responses neutral, and avoid escalating the situation.
By not engaging, you maintain control over your emotions and prevent minor tensions from turning into full-blown arguments. Your restraint can even disarm the person trying to push your buttons, making it clear that you won’t participate in unnecessary drama.
11. Acknowledge small positives when you can.
Even the most challenging visits often have a few redeeming moments. Maybe the food was good, or you shared a pleasant memory with someone. Make a conscious effort to notice and appreciate these small positives.
Shifting your focus to moments of gratitude can balance out the frustrations. It won’t change the entire visit, but it can soften your outlook and make the experience feel a little more bearable. Sometimes finding one bright spot can change your entire perspective.
12. Debrief with your partner afterward.
Once the visit is over, take time to talk it through with your partner. Share what went well, what felt challenging, and how you both handled things. This helps release any lingering tension and brings you closer as a couple.
Debriefing allows you to process the experience together and even laugh about the more ridiculous moments. It turns a stressful visit into a shared memory, strengthening your partnership and giving you both a sense of relief and closure.